i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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