You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
