she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize