god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
