i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize