I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
