my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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