I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
