we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
