nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
