i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
