Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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