So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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