The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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