It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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