Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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