I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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