Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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