im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
