All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
