I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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