my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
