what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
