I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
