just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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