I must be too annoying 4 u.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
