I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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