how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
