I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
