i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
