you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she pinky promised me she was 18
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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