a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
