Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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