Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
