p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize