Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
