Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
