very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
another moral hangover. fuck.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
