youre lurking in front of me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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