Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
