The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
