Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
