And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
