at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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