Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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