Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
