Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
