please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
