can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
