this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize