You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do vagina's smell?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
