So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
