People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
