Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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