When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
