I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
