Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
