I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
