just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
