I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
