and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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