I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Drunk is a universal language darling
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
