omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
being pregnant is like rehab
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
