ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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