and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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