Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
