Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize