I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
