She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
