i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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