I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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