Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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