I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
