My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I touched a dick in church today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
