At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
