I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
