I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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