Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
