Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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