Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
