Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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